Where am I right now? So once again I started new years eve in a low place, for the second year running. Last year I was scared, pregnant, finding it hard to adjust to the dramatic life changes, all the while the one person who should have been there holding my hand wasn't. He was in another county, I thought this year might be different, who am I kidding? Why did I ever think that seeing his son being born would change something in him? I must be the biggest fool round.
So after a full year of loving you, laying my self on the line for you, giving you my heart, making the effort for you, you tell me you can't stop thinking about someone else. I can't make you love me, and I can't make you want to watch your son grow up day in day out. I will never ever understand what goes on through your head, Call me self indulgent for crying over you, but it's hard not to be when all I have for company is me, after you left me to bring up our baby on my own.
Sure, I've been a bitch, of course I have, I've dangled other people in front of you just to try and make you jealous, to see if it would ignite something in you, but nothing seemed to work did it? You're still more passionate about yourself than you will ever be for your son. So this is it. I've had enough. I'm done. I just hope next time you use protection.
p.s I wouldn't swap seeing my amazing baby boy every single day for all the booze, drugs or dirty floors in the world.
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