little squidge.

Callums version.

8 weeks!

HULLLOOOO.

Soooososooo. Today I went for my consultation with 'special obstetrics' to make sure that I am all clear to go ahead with project baba.

AAAAAAND, I'm all good to go. The worst I'm told to expect is quite bad back pain/pain in my operated areas due to strain, but it's something which will have to be monitored over time.

I can handle pain anyway, I LOOOOVE THE PAIN!

Also, I went down to the early pregnancy clinic and kind of made little moany 'feel sorry for me' noises at them, told them about the severe period pains I've had and sharp abdominal pains....

Ok so I've had hardly any pain at all but I was just so desperate to meet my babe!

So up I hopped fanny-a-free legs swinging onto the bed as she lubed up what looked like something you'd find in the back of Anne Summers andpopped a jonny on it. I nervously laughed wondering why no one else thought it was weird.

then up it popped, as if by magic. My baby. My first baby, my little bit of life. Up on the screen, a tiny heart beat fluttering, "there's the head and there's the bum" To be honest is looked like a big grey smudge, but it choked me. I looked over to Callum who was trying to look all cool and relaxed but I saw that little smile which he quickly tried to hide.

I'll never forget that moment. it was just incredible. I can't wait until week 12 now where I get to see a proper baby shaped thing. with legs and all!

I'll put up a photo tomorrow, Callums having problems working out the technology of an iphone (we took a photo of the screen)

In terms of how I feel physically, I can feel muscles going a bit achey in my belly now, I think that means I'm starting to get fat, I can't wait, people will give me a seat on the tube, I won't have to look at them all sad and start looking like my legs are hurting and I feel faint (I hate standing on the tube) The nausea has subsided for now, but my dreams are pretty vivid, last night I dreamt about a black dude who called himself 'Ice' and dressed all in white and sung to me about the importance of sun cream.

My emotions are ridiculous, crying at the drop of a hat, and not even a little bit, THE WHOLE WORLD IS OVER kind of cry.

Anyway, I'm snoozy now, off to watch more shit t.v while I wait and see if I can go back to work.

Night y'all!

R. x

Love.

The one emotion which has stood out amongst others has been love.

I have never really understood the meaning of love until now, I haven't seen my baby or felt it or even heard it yet but it love it, and my love for Callum is un breakable, I feel like this is the strongest form of love. Us three, just us, is all that matters. x

Bitchin'

So some old trout has taken it upon herself to tell me via facebook to abort my child, obviously I didn't take too kindly to this so I told her to keep her shit to herself.

Bitch went and wrote a little piece on her blog about me, awww, I'm touched, thanks love.

I told my friend to "Abort, abort!", well not my friend, because I was on the bus home and I thought it would be funny. "You know what, that's my fucking kid you're talking about." I deleted her. Because I can't take an internet fight, I always feel guilty and alone afterwards, but I SHOULD have argued about her having it. I should have. Why doesn't anyone else. "You know what, you're fucking 22". Fucking idiot.

So now I'm writing a little blog about you, don't throw your weight about until you fucking educate yourself on the matter, first off you aint shit, you're a try hard poisonous old cow and your dating my sloppy seconds.

no one tells me to abort my baby.

Saturday 19th November 2011.

Look at my boobs!!!!

I've never had such great boobs in my life.

p.s today I tried to take paracetamol, I gagged like a biatch every time one touched my tongue.

I also had to get my flat mate and his girlfriend to clean out the fridge because every time I opened it I had to make a run for the bog.

Joy!

x

7 weeks

Hello,

I thought I'd keep track of my first pregnancy by starting up a blog, This way I can share my experiences without holding back, no sugar coating!

Up until this point.

I found out I was pregnant about three weeks ago, I took three tests over the space of a week, the first came out negative (however it was a flimsy stick I bought from pound land) and the second I did was a clear blue one, it wasn't a digital however so I had to ask my mum to double check it... it kinda went like this... "Uh mum, I think you better come down to my room a minute"

"Rosie this says your pregnant"

"What, no, (insert hysterical panic crying here) I can't keep it, I'm not, I'm too young, It's got to go"

"Rosie, first of all we need to get in touch with your consultant, this could be very dangerous"- (because I've had lots of reconstructive surgery on my pelvis and surrounding tissues following a tumour in my teenage years)

The verdict from my consultant was- I'm at a higher risk than a 'normal' woman of miscarriage, I need to keep that in mind, I will need constant medical supervision and a c-section is absolutely necessary. Fantastic, just like everything else in my life I've run into complications.

I didn't believe the test was true, so the next day I went and bought another, a digital one this time just so it would spell it out to me loud and clear. PREGNANT 3+.

shit.

Callum (the daddy) came all the way to Cornwall from Scotland to support me during the long drawn out and frustrating chats with my parents. He did good, kept me calm and rational.

At this point I'd become emotionally attached to my little seed, this is my baby, my little miracle, My protective mothering streak had kicked in, this was for keeps, nothing is going to hurt my baby.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, I'm back in my flat in London, I've been to my first anti natal appointment at the University College Hospital in Euston, It's lovely in there, my midwife Caroline was amazing, very friendly and thorough. I had all my bloods taken, hight and weight, blood pressure, a whole sea of questions, advise, leaflets, etc.

I'm going back on Tuesday to meet a doctor who will discuss with me my physical well being, in terms of my jigsaw'd together pelvis. Fingers crossed all is safe for my little baba.

Obviously I've had up and down emotions so far, every time I see a pregnant woman or someone with a push chair I want to run full speed to the abortion clinic, freaked out doesn't even cover it, stomach churning anxiety.

But it's just the thought, of harming my own baby, my own kid, who is at this stage starting to look like a human, next week it's little fingers will grow, how can I kill something so incredible? I just need to man up and get down with it.

Anyway, morning sickness is kicking in now, my back is killing, I'm so tired I could cry and I've caught Callums cough. Hurrah!

Until next week.

Rosie.

x