7 weeks

Hello,

I thought I'd keep track of my first pregnancy by starting up a blog, This way I can share my experiences without holding back, no sugar coating!

Up until this point.

I found out I was pregnant about three weeks ago, I took three tests over the space of a week, the first came out negative (however it was a flimsy stick I bought from pound land) and the second I did was a clear blue one, it wasn't a digital however so I had to ask my mum to double check it... it kinda went like this... "Uh mum, I think you better come down to my room a minute"

"Rosie this says your pregnant"

"What, no, (insert hysterical panic crying here) I can't keep it, I'm not, I'm too young, It's got to go"

"Rosie, first of all we need to get in touch with your consultant, this could be very dangerous"- (because I've had lots of reconstructive surgery on my pelvis and surrounding tissues following a tumour in my teenage years)

The verdict from my consultant was- I'm at a higher risk than a 'normal' woman of miscarriage, I need to keep that in mind, I will need constant medical supervision and a c-section is absolutely necessary. Fantastic, just like everything else in my life I've run into complications.

I didn't believe the test was true, so the next day I went and bought another, a digital one this time just so it would spell it out to me loud and clear. PREGNANT 3+.

shit.

Callum (the daddy) came all the way to Cornwall from Scotland to support me during the long drawn out and frustrating chats with my parents. He did good, kept me calm and rational.

At this point I'd become emotionally attached to my little seed, this is my baby, my little miracle, My protective mothering streak had kicked in, this was for keeps, nothing is going to hurt my baby.

Fast forward a couple of weeks, I'm back in my flat in London, I've been to my first anti natal appointment at the University College Hospital in Euston, It's lovely in there, my midwife Caroline was amazing, very friendly and thorough. I had all my bloods taken, hight and weight, blood pressure, a whole sea of questions, advise, leaflets, etc.

I'm going back on Tuesday to meet a doctor who will discuss with me my physical well being, in terms of my jigsaw'd together pelvis. Fingers crossed all is safe for my little baba.

Obviously I've had up and down emotions so far, every time I see a pregnant woman or someone with a push chair I want to run full speed to the abortion clinic, freaked out doesn't even cover it, stomach churning anxiety.

But it's just the thought, of harming my own baby, my own kid, who is at this stage starting to look like a human, next week it's little fingers will grow, how can I kill something so incredible? I just need to man up and get down with it.

Anyway, morning sickness is kicking in now, my back is killing, I'm so tired I could cry and I've caught Callums cough. Hurrah!

Until next week.

Rosie.

x